Communication breakdown…

The first league away game of the season is always a special occasion for many football fans. Leeds fans have had as much to be thankful for as the next fan as we have enjoyed so many great times at this stage of the season. Memories such as our return to Division One at Everton and big Neville’s teddies out of the pram at halftime before we went on to notch a 3-2 win or Yeboah’s double at West Ham in 1995 or Wallace’s double at Sheff Weds a couple of years later come flooding back and this is a list that goes on,on,on. This season the lads headed to a first ever trip to Wycombe and due to a mix up in communication, yours truly headed to a 40th birthday party in the middle of the countryside…

As you may well imagine, my heart is heavy and I am biting my lip as the missus is in a cheery mood and won’t stop pulling out the old clichés about how “life goes on without Leeds” and “Its only a game” as we head into the bright sunshine. I know she is right but its not really what I want to be hearing but I keep my thoughts to myself knowing it won’t be the last away game for one reason or another I will miss this season. As I drive, disappointed thoughts are circling around in my head, after all it’s the first time at Wycombe and a ground I have never been to before so I am feeling a tad pissed off I can’t tick it off the ever expanding list of league grounds visited…

Clearly that’s not the main reason I am pissed off but I do have plan B in my pocket and am slightly buoyed by the fact that a couple of the travelling White Army will keep me posted by text as they always do should I miss out. Its this lifeline keeping me sane as we arrive late and the party is in full swing. Familiar faces greet me quizzically and the same question is asked “No Leeds game today then?” to which my half hearted replies tell the real story. The place is nice enough, but as it’s the home of the birthday boys parents its old fashioned and quaint. No Sky TV dish in this old house I noted almost immediately and there was little chance of an internet connection…

After giving it my best shot at being Mr Happy, my mood became sombre around 2.30. Aside from the usual twitchiness at not being at the game, there was a disturbing lack of team news coming to me. This was due to no signal on the mobile phone, my aforementioned LUAFC lifeline. I held it in the air, I stood on a chair in the garden, I tried the bathroom and the front lawn all to no avail. The realisation hit me like a truck and OCD like panic was setting in. I was to have no way of knowing the team, the incidents, the score! How the fuck had this happened? What were the idiots at O2 playing at? At about 2.55 the father of the birthday boy pointed me to some salvation and the direction of the spare room…

A tiny TV sat in the corner and although there was poor reception, I got ITV and more importantly, I got Teletext! I replaced the mobile phone in my hand for a remote control and immediately felt both at ease and also transported back to my youth. When the news that ITV had decided to kill off its Teletext news service, formally known as “The Oracle”, there was barely a heartbeat out of place in the modern world. At 36, I don’t feel old, but the advances in technology since I was in my early teens have been rapid. From mobile phones to 24/7 Sky TV to the ever present and ever evolving internet. All things we now take for granted and all things that supply us priceless information at the touch of a button…

Its a far cry from the days when, as a young football fan, I would spend most of my days addicted to the news that Teletext or BBC version Ceefax would bring. Sure we had a morning paper and on a evening the YEP would give us a more direct account of goings on at ER, but the place for “live” and “up-to-date” news was Ceefax page 301 or Teletext 140 . Its hard to believe now, but Teletext and the Ceefax were simply the pulse of a football fans world. It became almost a ritual to fall asleep after spending the evening scanning the both for any kind of LUAFC related news. They were responsible for breaking all the big stories and in the case of the Teletext, greasing the wheels of the rumour mill…

Teletext of course carried the “Clubcall” adverts and as most fans of a certain age will recall, these bastards tried to suck you in to using your mum and dads phone to call the premium telephone service with every trick in the book. They drove you mad with ambiguous headlines like “Leeds in for Starlet” or “Striker wants Leeds Move”. They knew you wanted the news and you wanted the news first, but you knew didn’t want a thick ear when the phone bill came. It was of course news of actual stories breaking that were of most interest. Managers sacked and replaced, players bought and sold it was the slow version of Sky Sports News and highly addictive…

On top of news stories breaking, there was the invaluable “Live goal service” in which the page refreshed itself every 2 minutes or so, and it is this that I had on for the duration of the Wycombe game. It was a mind numbing way to watch football, but at the same time strangely therapeutic. As the party rumbled on without me, I sat glued to the screen as goals went in just about everywhere but Adams Park. At halftime, I tried to mingle around the party, but it was no good. I was like a bear with a sore head before Luciano finally put me and many thousands out of our misery. The last 10 minutes were the worst I can recall for a long time. Having no idea what was going on, just praying that the next screen refresh didn’t start with “Wycombe 1”…

When the FT sign finally came up it was a massive relief, a chance to relax and concentrate on the party. I only began to get signal when we were well on the way home and the trickle of the days delayed texts began to get through. I now knew that it was “1-0 and it’s Duberry’s fault ” and realised how lucky we were that Higgs had stayed alert enough to touch a last minute shot onto the post to secure the points. I also now knew that again we were under par, started slowly and could have fallen behind in a woeful first half. This is something it must be hoped that Grayson quickly nips in the bud. That said, after a nail biting day, its now 3 wins in a week when not playing particularly great, so I am thankful for small mercies and of course, my old mate Teletext…

Leeds United AFC… “Fotherby bags star striker!!!” Call 0898… Keep Fighting…